Friday, September 30, 2005
Emotional Investment
It takes a lot to make me cry. I'd consider myself pretty deft at concealing my unpretty emotions: Year after year at every school Recollection, I could sit there stoically while everybody else cried rivers. And if I ever did cry, it was usually within the four walls of my room, properly locked and bolted.

Last Monday was the first time I'd ever cried in this damn school (not counting CJ's wake), and it wasn't even because of something I did.

Anybody who knows me knows that I'd despised Social Science (then known as Araling Panlipunan) ever since I first encountered the subject. 2005 changed it all. Sure, maybe the fact that it was finally being taught in English had something to do with it, but what I really loved about SocSci this year was that my class, II - Ilang-ilang, seemed to be so good at it. It made proud of my class, and it made me want to do well in SocSci too. And so for the First Quarter of my sophomore year, I'd made quite an improvement from always having SocSci as my lowest grade in my report card (1.75 to 2.0): for the first time ever, I got an uno in SocSci. But more importantly than that, I learned to love a subject that I had always detested.

But as with all the other good things in my life, this one crashed and burned too.

Long story short, my class had let down our Social Science teacher by turning in abysmally subpar work. My group (the East Asia group) was safe, but I was still affected. When it comes to SocSci, I'm always affected. Perhaps I expect too much out of our class when it comes to this subject, but I really wanted Ilang-ilang to be the best. So when somebody slips, I take a hit as well. Every hit my class takes goes double for me. It's somewhat similar to my love for Constantine Maroulis. Before you all razz me for being "mababaw," allow me to justify my analogy: my emotional investment in Constantine was so great that I was damn sure he was the best and that he would win American Idol. So when that shocker elimination slapped me in the face, of course I cried!

Same thing goes for Ilang-ilang, and last Monday just really sucked for me. Was the hypothesis I told Pauline about true? Do I really care too much? Should I save my tears by walling myself off emotionally? I can only hope that I can remain as passionate about Social Science, or for that matter, Ilang-ilang, as I used to be, but it's getting harder and harder to walk this tightrope.

And to top it all off, this Friday, I lost my greatest pride and joy in SocSci 2 (and it's not the uno). I lost my East Asia group.

East Asia, this Monday's Exam of Enlightenment is the last time I'll ever get to work with you guys as one group. Let's end this last quarter together with a bang.

Jon, Yssa, Angel, Pauline, Bon...make me proud! You always did. What say we do it one last time? :)
JC got bored @ 11:39 PM

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