Wednesday, May 24, 2006
When it's all said and Dunkleman
"It's official: America is running out of talent." So says my beloved David Spade on his Thursday night program, Comedy Central's The Showbiz Show. Yep, a lackluster American Idol season that led up to a crappy finale (quoth Rickey: "Worst. Finale. Ever."). Remember what I said a few blog posts ago?

"If fuckin' Taylor wins, only a tornado or David Spade can stop me from kicking the TV screen."

Well, Mister Television, David Spade saved your electricity-powered life. Nothing like comic relief to cure a resentful Idol viewer.

(And for the record, I'm half-and-half about Kat and Taylor. I was rooting for Kat, but wouldn't it be fun to give the industry a big "In your face!" by not picking the prettier, more talented, pop-star-packaged one? Hee!)

To watch the clip that rescued my TV from having a bulky, pink Skechers shoe implanted [Dane Cook impersonation]in its FACE[/Dane Cook impersonation]: Click me, baby! (Thanks, damonc79!)

It's funny, seriously. The only people that hate David Spade are the people that can't stand it when he bashes their favorites. Come on, Spade is FUN-NEH! Hell, I wouldn't mind if he had ripped on Chris Daughtry. Chris would still be awesome to me, and Spade would still be funny to me. Win-win!

Some of the best Spade-isms from the clip:

On Taylor: "Come on, he's like Joe Cocker but older!"

On Kat: "I hope McPhee wins, just so I can see her jump up and down!"

On Elliott: "What's he gonna sing about, the wonders of not getting laid?"

"The final five are exactly like The Breakfast Club: There's the rebel [Chris], the princess [Kat], the nerd [Elliott], the weirdo [Paris]...and of course, the principal [Taylor]."

"The most popular contestants have been: white people that sound black [Scott Savol], young people that sound old [RJ Helton(?)], and straight guys that sound gay [Clay Aiken]."

Okay, I am seriously going to write letters to JackTV until they finally air The Showbiz Show with David Spade. "Hi JackTV, WHY THE FUCK IS SHOWBIZ SHOW NOT IN YOUR LINEUP YET? And don't give me any of that 'We don't have an available timeslot' crap, because piece-of-shit programs like Crank Yankers, Primetime Glick and Distraction UK are still showing! Pull them off and give me some SPAAAADE!!!"

For now, I'll just comfort myself with my daily Just Shoot Me! fix (8:00am on weekdays, 4:30am on Saturdays, Star World). I'll also be adding a Spade-ism of the Month feature to my sidebar, right below the Funny Quote of the Day.

So, uh, yeah. Seacrest, out.
JC got bored @ 10:25 PM

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