Sunday, April 30, 2006
Con Te Patiro (finally)! Mink, anyone?
After weeks and weeks of "blah" from America's supposed number one TV show, something interesting actually happens! (Please, Standards week was so overrated.)1. Performance of the Night: My boy Elliott sounded awesome (which he does every week), and he wasn't boring (which he...fails to do every week)!
2. Rocker, heal thyself: After a dull performance of one of the Most Boring Songs in the Known Universe and a trip to the Bottom 3, Chris blows away the judges and millions of viewers with what Simon Cowell called a "sexy" performance -- even if it was with one of the Gayest Songs in the Known Universe (and Chris and the guitarists together onstage really looked like a...mariachi band). In the spirit of Bill Maher, here's my new rule: Bryan Adams songs should be banned from any and all future episodes of American Idol.
(IMO, the sexiest part of Chris's performance was during rehearsals when he sang lying down. I mean, I don't even find Chris sexy, but...wow. I can't thank David Foster enough for that hot visual.)
3. I don't wanna have to look very much further...I don't wanna have to hear that goddamned song again: Too much cleavage, too much staring into the camera (hon, only Constantine can pull that off), too much cabaret. Gee, Katharine is only, like, the bajillionth contestant to sing Whitney Houston's "I Have Nothing" on AI. Next time, Kat, stick to Streisand.
4. Ball and Chain: For the first time ever, Taylor didn't go all spastic on stage...and I actually liked it. Sure, he was out of tune in places, but at least he wasn't jerking himself around as per usual.
5. DaughPhee: Sorry, but this picture is way too cute not to post:
...Hee!
6. Separated at Birth?: I gotta say it -- Chris Daughtry reeeally looks like a cross between Vin Diesel and Dave Attell.
7. Revenge of the Sixth: Of course, the whole time I watched the performances I kept thinking about how Constantine got eliminated at this point in the show. I sensed another shocker elimination this year would happen. Pre-show, I feared that Chris would go home since he's my favorite this year. Post-show, I predicted that Kat would be sent home. Come results, it was a shocker all right -- but a GOOD shocker. She's been more tolerable these past few weeks, but...Kellie Pickler's gone! Damn, I thought this day would never come!
Whether or not your "dumb redneck" shtick was an act or not, your gaping lack of talent was just too much for me to bear ("Unchained Melody?" Puh-leaze!), so Kellie, in the words of my favorite smart-aleck pipsqueak David Spade on SNL's Total Bastard Airlines: "Buh-bye!"
