Wednesday, April 27, 2005
Oh. My. God.
I feel like puking (even though I haven't eaten anything today and it's almost nighttime).

Constantine Maroulis just got voted out.

American Idol is now officially the most boring show on TV. I'll try to catch Bo on occasion (he has my full support---if he shaves the awful peach fuzz) but for the most part, I won't be watching anymore.

[BTW, new blog layout: tweaked it again to show my undying love for Constantine. I doubt it'll be changed anytime this millennium, unless I find another Constantine layout. Line "easy to see through the smiles that I'm fakin'" is paraphrased from the song "Comfortable" by John Mayer...found that it really really applies to my life right now.]

Spoiler-lover that I am, I went online at about nine in the morning to see who would be voted out. I was so damn sure it was going to be Scott---boy, was I in for a rude awakening. My initial reaction was, of course, to be shocked. I sat there on the computer chair, one leg up on the arm, jaw hanging open, the only two words going through my head were "Fuck, no." Numbness ensued, and I tried to force myself to accept it, thinking "Well, he's gonna make it big anyway." Then the reality sank in that I now had nothing to look forward to watching anymore. That's what sucks about investing a great deal of your emotions in one person---when he is suddenly, unfairly taken away from you.

But no, I don't regret loving the man this much. How can I? I may hurt when he's hurt, but Constantine's a source of joy and inspiration for me. I was happy just watching him, and I'm glad he made it this far.

I got a little misty-eyed the first time I watched the results show, which aired at 4pm today, but after watching it a second time, hearing my mom say "sayang talaga, ang cute-cute pa naman niya" over and over again, I had to fight hard to keep the tears in until I reached my bedroom, locked the door and flopped down on my bed. Then I let all the tears roll. Sayang naman talaga eh. It was really heartbreaking, seeing how shocked and hurt he looked when Ryan gave the bad news. And then remembering what he said the night before..."I really want to win this, I think my family would be so proud." Seeing his mom cry, seeing Paula cry (my expression was a lot like hers while watching), seeing him unable to smile as he watched the video of his journey on Idol, seeing him force on a smile as he answered Ryan's questions, seeing him fight off the tears as he hugged his mom whom he felt he disappointed...it was too much for me to take. I felt so bad for him.

And that was the first time I cried over an AI results show.

I believe in Constantine and I know he's got the talent and charisma to make it big even without American Idol...I'm just sad because now I have no reason to look forward to Wednesdays and Thursdays. Yes, there's cute ol' Bo, but still, it was Constantine that really wowed me with his performances. Constantine made things interesting. You'd never guess what genre he'd do next, and that gave the show some suspense. Would he do rock ("Bohemian Rhapsody")? Would he do jazz ("My Funny Valentine")? Would he do country ballad ("I Can't Make You Love Me")? Now that he's gone, we're stuck with the five most boring and predictable AI Top Five finalists ever.

It's not all bad, though: Constantine's band, Pray For The Soul of Betty, has already signed a record deal with Koch Records, and their album is due for release on May 10. I wish Constantine and his band success.

[Note: on the Amazon.com charts, Pray For The Soul of Betty's album has now reached Number #2 (second only to Bruce Springsteen), outselling Mariah Carey, Rob Thomas, Green Day, American Idol 4's album and Kelly Clarkson's album...even though its date for release is still May 10! Guess Connie gets the last laugh after all!]

As royally pissed as I am with American Idol for killing their golden goose, I'm thankful that they gave Constantine this opportunity to shine. Without AI, we may never even have heard of the talented, sexy individual they call Constantine Maroulis. Now he's a star, win or lose, and I know he's gonna be able to achieve success on his own, 'cause me and millions of other fans love him and believe in him.

[Really! The fans went apeshit at the results...it's the biggest viewer backlash I've seen in all of AI history! There's this petition for a re-count or re-vote and it already has over 24,000 signatures on it and it grows by the minute...just goes to show how much we really love him, eh?]


Constantine, I'll always love you!

I ain't gonna stop hurting, but I remain hopeful. I have no doubts that this man will rock the world! Constantine, you're my American Idol!


I love you, Constantine, and I always will!
JC got bored @ 8:08 PM

Wednesday, April 20, 2005
I, the nutcase
This is totally the most awesome-tacular quiz I have ever taken! EVER! Wheehee! [Credit Tifa for discovering this quiz]

Maybe I'm just weird, but I've always had a fascination with mental and personality disorders. <---This is why one of my dream jobs was to be a psychologist (until I decided that becoming a Broadway actress would be much more fun). So the free diagnosis, I found, was pretty fucking awesome. And it's mostly true. Results below.
DisorderRating
Paranoid Disorder:Low
Schizoid Disorder:Low
Schizotypal Disorder:Low
Antisocial Disorder:Moderate
Borderline Disorder:Low
Histrionic Disorder:Very High
Narcissistic Disorder:High
Avoidant Disorder:Low
Dependent Disorder:Low
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:Moderate

-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --
-- Personality Disorders --




And below are the accompanying descriptions of the personality disorders I possess or am prone to (except for obsessive-compulsive, because everyone knows what that means). They're very helpful and enlightening, especially during that one moment when I saw my results and went, "Antisocial? But I'm not a loner!"

What is Antisocial Personality Disorder?

Quick Summary: A common misconception is that antisocial personality disorder refers to people who have poor social skills. The opposite is often the case. Instead, antisocial personality disorder is characterized by a lack of conscience. People with this disorder are prone to criminal behavior, believing that their victims are weak and deserving of being taken advantage of. Antisocials tend to lie and steal. Often, they are careless with money and take action without thinking about consequences. They are often aggressive and are much more concerned with their own needs than the needs of others.

Symptoms of Antisocial Personality Disorder:
-Disregard for the feelings of others
-Impulsive and irresponsible decision-making
-Lack of remorse for harm done to others
-Lying, stealing, other criminal behaviors
-Disregard for the safety of self and others


Hmm...so that explains my tendency to lie. But don't worry, dear friends, I do not lie when I tell you this: my conscience is crystal clear (because I've never used it)!

But I only scored a "Moderate" on Antisocial, so it's nothing much to worry about. I freaked out when I found out my Histrionic rating was "Very High", running around the room going all, "Histrionic? What the fuck is that?"

What is Histrionic Personality Disorder?

Quick Summary: People with histrionic personality disorder are constant attention seekers. They need to be the center of attention all the time, often interrupting others in order to dominate the conversation. They use grandiose language to discribe everyday events and seek constant praise. They may dress provacatively or exaggerate illnesses in order to gain attention. Histrionics also tend to exaggerate friendships and relationships, believing that everyone loves them. They are often manipulative.

Symptoms of Histrionic Personality Disorder:
-Needs to be the center of attention
-Dresses or acts provocatively
-Rapidly-shifting and shallow emotions
-Exaggerates friendships
-Overly-dramatic, occassionally theatrical speech



Well jeez, I never really considered myself as KSP. Ohmygod...am I? Am I? AM I?!? Holy shit it's the fucking end of the world 'coz I'm histrionic and I will kill you all in my quest for attention!

...Just kidding.

I think the worst extent of my histrionic tendencies is my unwavering ambition to become a Broadway actress, but is it so wrong to like singing, melodrama, and being in the limelight? They're just things that interest me, and I'd love to one day make a living on doing what I love and what I'm good at, which is overacting. Harhar.

Then I got a "High" rating on Narcissistic, which didn't really surprise me as I am a self-confessed narcissist. But here's the description anyway:

What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

Quick Summary: Narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by self-centeredness. Like histrionic disorder, people with this disorder seek attention and praise. They exaggerate their achievements, expecting others to recongize them as being superior. They tend to be choosy about picking friends, since they believe that not just anyone is worthy of being their friend. Narcissists tend to make good first impressions, yet have difficulty maintaining long-lasting relationships. They are generally uninterested in the feelings of others and may take advantage of them.

Symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder:
-Requires excessive praise and admiration
-Takes advantage of others
-Grandiose sense of self-importance
-Lack of empathy
-Lying, to self and others
-Obsessed with fantasies of fame, power, or beauty

Again calling me out on the Broadway thing. FYI, I'm not obsessed, just overly ambitious is all. I have back-up plans, of course: my second career choice is flight attendant (Really! My Tita is an F.A. at Cathay Pacific and I luuuurve her lifestyle!), and my third option is writer/columnist. So there.


So basically, what the results are saying is that if worst comes to worst and these disorders get out of whack, I could become a criminal (Antisocial) or a fame whore (Histrionic and Narcissistic). Cool.

Try it out, it's fun...then tell me what kind of mental nutcase you'll turn out to be (while you're at it, place your results on your blogs to spread the insanity) and we'll all have a grand ole' time discovering that we're all evil psychos created to bring chaos to the world. Muahahaha...

Sorry, it's my histrionic side taking over me again.
JC got bored @ 11:14 AM

Saturday, April 16, 2005
Have I died and gone to heaven?
...'Coz that is the most gorgeous angel I have ever seen! [dreamily stares at the Bo Bice picture on the blog]

Tweaked the blog template a bit and changed the main photo, and, ta-daaah! My own idea of what heaven is like. I'm currently using the same pic for my active desktop background, and I get all giddy every time I see it, so I decided to put it on my blog as well. Whee...me likey! ^__^

Don't jump to conclusions, though. I love Constantine Maroulis just as much (and find him equally as handsome), but it's just that the Bo Bice photo above is hands-down the most beautiful, perfect picture I have seen of anybody. No kidding! I mean, I usually get bored with an image after a few hours on my desktop, but this one still continues to cause me to involuntarily grin like an idiot whenever I use the PC.


~*~

Other grin-inducing photos (click for larger versions):

Little Bogart!

Hehe...even as a baby he was cute!

Whoooooooooooooooa!!!

BO IN BED! BO IN BED!! BO IN BED!!!

...Need I say more?

Can you say 'hot'?

Constantine I luuuuuurve you!!! ^___^

Kawaii!

He looks great in a ponytail, IMO. :)

~*~

Shameless pluggage: If you guys are fans of either Bo or Constantine, please take the time to show your support by signing up for their respective fanlistings. You can find the links on the sidebar (one for Constantine, one for Bo. the second Bo link is a link to a fansite). If they don't work, click on the links below.

Rock God - The Constantine Maroulis Fanlisting

Bodalicious - The Bo Bice Fanlisting

Thanks very much!
JC got bored @ 7:47 AM

Monday, April 04, 2005
Summer Status: High Productivity
I would've continued the string of "posts that have nothing to do with my personal life" with an entry on my reaction to this year's Wrestlemania, but I'll just sum it up and then move on to more important matters.

- It's awesome that Batista and John Cena are the new champs for Raw and Smackdown respectively, and I'm absolutely psyched that Taker's record is now 13-0, however...

- I HATE that Christy (my favorite Diva) lost to Trish Stratus (my least favorite Diva ever since she and Christian backstabbed Jericho) in the Women's Championship match. Aargh.

- It also sucks that Shawn Michaels lost to that shitface Kurt Angle. And if that's not enough, HE LOST BY TAP-OUT! GAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!

Whew. Anyway, today marks the first day of the summer classes that I signed up for (one-on-one voice and ballroom dancing lessons). So how did they go?

Voice lessons were up first (3-4 PM on Mondays, Tuesdays and Fridays), and well, [Randy Jackson voice] It was a'ight for me[/Randy Jackson voice], although it was hardly any different from a Himig Agham session: vocalize first and then master the song. Required materials to bring along were a notebook, a blank cassette tape and a tape of a song I'd like to sing (I brought along Alicia Keys' "Songs In A Minor," wanting to perform "How Come You Don't Call Me?"). The teacher there was impressed with my voice (she even told the other teachers and the director about it), and two minutes into vocalization, she recommended that I sing a classical piece because my super-high soprano voice was more fit for classical. "Masisira lang yung boses mo kung mag pop ka," she told me. I took a last glance at the Alicia Keys tape, shrugged and said, "Okay."

Must I abandon my dreams of Broadway stardom and opt instead to become an opera singer? Oh, no...I've always wanted to play Mimi in Rent or Elphaba/Galinda in Wicked...*heartbreak*

Anyway, the teacher then said she would buy a songbook of "Phantom of the Opera" so I could sing "All I Ask of You," because, she reasoned, my voice sounded very much like Christine Daae's (note, though, that my personality is a lot more like Carlotta's...LOL!). In the meantime, we practiced a different classical song. It was in German, but I opted to sing the English version. The lyrics sent ripples through my mind as I sang: ...None but the lonely heart can know my sadness...

Huh. Interesting.

Ballroom dancing (4-5 PM on the same days) was a tad more difficult to endure. Not surprisingly, I have two left feet when it comes to dancing the tango, although, my dance instructor said, I'm quick to learn. I was also having a tough time due to the fact that my dance instructor was a foot shorter than me -_- ...not to mention a homosexual old fart (I was expecting a hunky, lithe man whose looks would inspire me a bit more to learn...regardless of his sexual orientation. Think Jai Rodriguez ^_^).

Anyway, I'm sure things'll get better. Besides, the skills I'll learn through these lessons ought to be worth the time. So what do I do when I'm not in voice/ballroom dancing class? Bake! ^_^ I've baked brownies and oatmeal cookies (they're a hit with my relatives, especially with my 7-year-old cousin) and my next project is chocolate souffle. Anyone wanna try? =)
JC got bored @ 5:19 AM

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